Why it’s not a good idea to give your dog DIY bangs

How the seed was planted My mother used to snip my bangs over the kitchen sink every fortnightly when I was a kid, determined to shear away any messiness and dead set on keeping me her little “China doll” – Her idea of a ‘DIY Bangs’ project. I didn’t care for it much. Bleagh. Now, […]

How the seed was planted

My mother used to snip my bangs over the kitchen sink every fortnightly when I was a kid, determined to shear away any messiness and dead set on keeping me her little “China doll” – Her idea of a ‘DIY Bangs’ project. I didn’t care for it much. Bleagh.

Now, as much as I used to detest missing out on my afternoon Disney Channel cartoons each time she did, I was in awe at her hair cutting shears. They were always winking in the light, as if flirtily beckoning me over for yet another embarrassing haircut.

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Needless to say, this shearing power did eventually translate to my grown-up self. 14 years later, there I was, standing in the middle of my kitchen and on my self-laid out newspaper island – with a handful of treats in one hand and mom’s Sawayaka hairdressing scissors in the other. Quinn, my Shih-Tzu, panted eagerly as he gazed up at me, his overgrown Bieber do’ swept to the side. Today was my last straw – That fringe had to go.

Clearly, he had no idea what he was about to get into.
Apparently, neither did I.

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So this just happened..

20 minutes and much coaxing and stern warnings to stay still later, Quinn was all set. In my mind, he was about to emerge from this fur-cut session a beautiful little buttercupcakemuffin with the cutest little fringe framing his gorgeous brown eyes. Nope, not even a little bit. In fact, the botched up job that I had just subjected my pup to made him look like Colonal Sanders with ugly bangs, and botched eyebrows. The left brow was way out of proportion, and no matter how much I sheared the right side, it still remained grossly overgrown and unperturbed. Lordy, it was like Attack of the Bieber clones. His fringe stuck out at all angles lke one of those do-it-yourself Geosafari Sprout and Grow science projects that Toys “R” Us sold.

Think Guardians of the Galaxy’s Groot, but way more hideous.

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Learn from the pros: My advice?

Don’t get me wrong, I believe it’s a real dollar saved (or rather, fifty) if you’ve got the skills of Tim Burton’s Edward Scissorhands. Truly. But if you’re like me, uncoordinated and grossly incompetent with hand-eye coordination, you might want to skip this step altogether, and invest in a good groomer. 

Nevertheless, if the damage’s already been done, do what I did, and invest in the second-best option (the first being, not to do it at all): Pick up some Omega-3 fish oil supplements for your pup. Those vitamins and amino acids work wonders for the coat and to speed up fur growth. Just think of it as a pet version of our Vitamin B-12.

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That’s Quinn, all sad and wet with weird eyebrows at bath time. I swear he’s usually more presentable than this.

Updated: May 16, 2017.

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